You're engaged - congratulations! No doubt you're elated and excited and happy, and if you're the bride-to-be, you're enjoying showing off your beautiful ring to your family and friends. But once the reality starts to sink in, you could also be forgiven for feeling a little nervous about how the two of you are going to cope with the expense and stress of organizing your wedding.

In my experience (and I've been a bridesmaid six times as well as getting married myself) there are three major sources of relationship strain during the planning of a modern wedding. All three can be avoided if you see them coming and approach the issues constructively. They are, in order of importance:

1) Money problems
2) Family problems
3) Losing your perspective

Money is the most important, because it's likely to set the tone for the rest of your marriage. Disagreements about money are cited by divorcing couples more often than anything else as the main reason for their relationship breaking down; so it's really important that the two of you broadly agree about what you feel it is necessary to spend on your wedding, and how you are going to pay for it.

If your estimate looks more expensive than you can afford, don't despair. You *can* have a truly memorable, beautiful and enjoyable wedding without spending enormous amounts of money. Wedding magazines and bridal fairs may make you feel that you're skimping if you don't spend thousands on every item, but this is NOT TRUE. Stay in control by prioritizing the aspects of the day that really matter to the two of you, and enjoy creating a unique event for your family and friends at a price you can afford.

When it comes to coping with family expectations, there is plenty of scope for stress and conflict, from the serious areas like money and religion down to the truly trivial, such as whether ivory is less appropriate than pure white for the bride's dress. It may be difficult to avoid trouble from your families altogether - but you can minimize it.

Make sure that when tricky issues arise, you and your fiance(e) are in agreement, present a united front, and be prepared to exercise extreme diplomacy when discussing arrangements with your families. But when someone is making trouble, don't let them spoil things for you. Remember, however important your families are to you, this is your wedding, not theirs.

With all the expense, complex arrangements, and opportunities to offend your relations, its unsurprising that some

• 1
• 2
• next page >>

---

Add your voice

Know something about Tips for avoiding relationship strain while planning a wedding?
We want to hear your view. Write now!