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This debate would not be a contemporary issue if we each held our traditions and family in the highest regard. People judge nations by how they treat and nurture their elderly and poor. What they see in America are warehouses for our elderly and the poor begging and living on the street.

In my life, service equals virtue. My parents moved from Florida to be near me. They and I acknowledged the fact of their age and my ability to care for them. Independence is crucial for the aging which we attempt to provide and foster. I am there for each and every doctor's visit and write everything down for them. When they are sick, I am their caretaker. It is my job, my duty and my pleasure.

Our daughter is a registered CNA and a nursing student. She provides the 'pro' services that some families choose not to supply. She also sees the example I set by doing what she does on my own. Granted, I have no medical training - that's why we visit doctors. But I can cook meals, clean, dress, bathe and basically do what a CNA does. I'm family. Home health adds in the professional aspect of what is needed on a temporary basis.

The mental effects of a family member stepping up is a huge asset in quality of life. My parents thrive on attention and my decision to care for them myself. They try new things, learn new things, remain active and are secure in the knowledge that they will never live in a 'warehouse'.

I understand there are many obstacles to caring for aging parents. Its similar to the scenario of child care. Family is trusted, compassionate and connected. I would never put our daughter in an establishment of 100 other kids. Children and the elderly need stimulation and attention. Our daughter, as a professional, has those qualities, but with so many patients to see sometimes does not have the time necessary for connections.

To me, my family is my life. I am not defined by what I do or say, but by how I make people feel.

Learn more about this author, Deborah Chaney.
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