Dealing with a friend who is grieving poses the same challenge as supporting someone struggling with a debilitating illness, a divorce, or any other difficulty. The key is striking a balance between being insensitive and being overly solicitous. You're bound to say and do a few things wrong, but that doesn't mean your support isn't appreciated. The friend in question won't be feeling well enough to articulate her emotions and thoughts. I'll try to explain here what she might be feeling and what you can expect. I will also give some concrete, practical ideas for helping the person cope.

There are two opposing courses of action for dealing with someone who is depressed for any reason. The first is to lower your expectations of the person and give him time to rest. The second is to get him working and active so he'll forget his troubles. You'll find many popular news articles touting the second idea, but those articles make things sound much simpler than they truly are.

The truth is that if you push someone to work when she's actively grieving, you'll be sending her on a downward spiral. Because she's still reeling from the loss of a loved one, she isn't thinking as well as usual. Her mind is slow and indecisive, her memory poor, her judgment impaired. Any work she does will be sub par, only making her feel useless as well as bereaved. You absolutely need to lower your expectations and give her time to rest.

People who advocate activity to help with grieving or depression aren't entirely delusional; they just twist the facts. Activity will not make a person feel better, but it will keep him feeling better for longer periods of time.

Your strategy should be dependent on your friend's mental state. If she's crying and reminiscing about her lost loved one, for God's sake don't nag her about laundry or drag her to the bank. Listen, be supportive, and appreciate the stories she shares. By telling you about the person she lost, she is staying connected, cementing treasured memories in her mind.

However, if your friend is feeling more energetic and able to do some normal activities, don't bring up anything that might upset him. Now is the time to offer to help him with the yard work or the grocery shopping. By keeping him involved in normal activities, you can prolong his productive mindset. The things he accomplishes will give him something, however small, to feel good about. He won't be able to do things as quickly or as well

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