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Parents should be the number one fan of their children. As a former teacher, it was obvious to me which children had parents that were involved in their lives and which children had parents who could care less.

The children whose parents were involved with them were confident, performed better in school, had better relationships with their peers, and were just generally happier. Here are some tips I have learned from these families:

- Children have better self-esteem when they know their limits and feel like they can be trusted. Set reasonable boundaries with your children. They WANT boundaries. They do not want or need to be the "man of the house". They need to be kids! When you set boundaries with your kids and you discipline them when they step out of those boundaries, they will understand why they had to be disciplined. Without boundaries, kids get mixed signals when they are disciplined for something one time and not the next. Giving them this "controlled freedom" lets them be independent enough to feel like they can be trusted. Go over the boundaries with your children, explain that you trust them to stay within those boundaries, and then tell them the consequences for going outside the boundaries.

- Don't pressure your child to be something he's not. Many parents try to live out their own dreams through their children, and that is just setting them up for failure. Let your child become what he wants and support him in his decision.

- Spend time with your child. It sounds simple, but there are many parents who don't make time for their children. They try to make up for lost time by buying their children gifts, but the most important thing for a child's self-esteem is to know that they are loved and cherished. Make a habit to set aside a chunk of time each day to devote wholly to each child.

- Don't "label" your child, whether it's good or bad. Whether you say your child is shy, outgoing, fat, thin, slow, fast, smart, or dumb, you are expecting your child to live up to that label. If it's a "good" label like being smart, what if your child does poorly on a test later? They'll feel like a failure. If it's a "bad" label like being shy, they will feel like that's just who they are and that they'll never overcome it.

- It's ok to "label" your child's actions. For example, "Thank you for studying so hard for your test. I know you'll do your best," rather than saying, "You're smart. You'll do fine." Your child knows that as long as he does his best, he'll have your approval. In the latter statement, he might feel like he has failed you if he doesn't do ok on the test.

If you see that your child is down, just talk to him and ask him if you or someone else has done something to hurt him. Children are usually brutally honest and will let you know! Building your child's self-esteem boils down to spending time with your child, being involved with him, trusting him within the boundaries you set, and being careful how you talk to him and treat him.

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