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ABCs OF BUILDING CHILDREN'S SELF ESTEEM

Self esteem is a basic building block in a child's healthy development. Parents play a primary role in its development. How can we foster healthy self esteem in our kids?

A

Avoid superlatives. Superlatives create unreasonable expectations. Why should a child feel that he must be the world's greatest football player? Why should she be saddled with expectations to be the smartest spelling champ of all time? What child really is the naughtiest ever? Let's aim for realism!

B

Build character. The smartest parents praise their children for excellent character traits, more than for appearances or abilities. Try to catch your children demonstrating virtues (honesty, loyalty, integrity, generosity, compassion, etc.), and celebrate this. If we make character count, our children will recognize our values, and be more likely to make these their own.

C

Consider competencies. Of course, each child is unique. Observe your children. Try to discover each kid's talents and interests as early as possible, and provide opportunities for him to practice the things about which he is most passionate. Is she fascinated by animals? Does he love to build things? Is she gifted musically?

D

Deliver praise, when deserved. Psychologists agree it can take up to ten positive parental comments to make up for one negative one, in rebuilding a child's self esteem. Even the most constructive criticism should be weighed carefully and balanced with appropriate encouragement.

E

Earn the right to be heard. Popcorn parenting is no parenting at all. Why should we expect kids to listen to us, if we only speak up when we have an agenda? Do we listen to what our children have to say, even if it seems repetitive and trivial? If we do, they will be more willing to hear us as well.

F

Forgive. When children make mistakes, as they invariably will, parents can demonstrate the importance of forgiveness firsthand. Children will never forget this. What a wonderful way to create a safety net for our beloved offspring. What better way could there possibly be to prepare our children for the grown-up relationships they will someday have?

G

Give room for growth. What is the primary goal of parenting? Isn't it to grow our children into responsible adults? Bit by bit, we will have to give them opportunities to exercise age-appropriate independence. Often, for security's sake, we may watch from a safe distance, but they must sense a reasonable amount of freedom, as they mature. If not, how will

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