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How to support a friend who is grieving

by Kathy D

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An inevitable part of life is facing the death of a loved one - whether a parent, an elderly relative, a sibling, friend or even a young child. No one is immune to the heartache or experience. If ever there is a time support is needed, this is it. How does one comfort and support a grieving friend?

THE GRIEVING STAGE

Allow your friend time to grieve, freely and completely. Never tell someone "just get over it". It will take a good period of time to adjust to life without their loved one. They will need to learn ways to fill the void and accept this empty space in their life. They will grow stronger with time and constructive steps in healing, but the process is very individual. Show compassion and patience.

Offer a shoulder to cry on. Let them know it is alright to weep in your presence without fear of feeling foolish or uncomfortable. The loss of someone dear is a very painful and emotional experience to endure. Share their grief. Although, you can't carry all the weight of their sorrow, just being there helps tremendously. If they feel comfortable around you, they will be able to deal with the pain more effectively and carry on with life, as we all have to do, eventually.

SHARE THE MEMORIES

Be open to discussing their loved one. When someone very close to us passes on, we are so fearful we will forget them. We're afraid we'll forget how they look, how they sound or forget all those wonderful memories shared together. We won't actually ever forget, but at the time of sorrow, the fear of losing those memories is all too real for the bereaved. By being able to talk about the person who has passed, they are able to imprint those last important moments into their minds, reassuring the memories will forever be there.

When allowing your friend to talk of their loved one, refrain from relating too much of your own experience(s). This is their time, but by telling a little something of what you have gone through, they will be comforted with your level of understanding. Be sure to keep your own story to a minimum and listen intently to them. It will make the pain they are going through, felt and understood, as if it were your own.

PREVENT ISOLATION

Do not let them grieve alone. Often, a person might feel they don't want to be around others and want to grieve by themselves. This can be quite dangerous, as it might send them into a downward spiral toward a deep depression. Make yourself available to the friend, with daily calls or visits, asking how they're doing. Don't be intrusive,


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