Channel Button

There are 5 articles on this title. You are reading the article ranked and rated #2 by Helium's members.

Creative Writing   >

Satire

Satire: Growing up

"Thou shalt be a Real Estate Agent!"
Those were the very words that started it all, popping unexpectedly into her head like that. Well, it was true that she had been at a loss as to what to do with herself, but there had not actually been anything otherworldly nor divine in the proclamation. She had simply passed by an Real Estate window one day and had thought, "That'll do." Then she decided she needed something somehow more glorious than that and, giggling a bit, she conjured up for herself an image of a 'dues ex machina' descending from the clouds, all thunder and lightning bolts, straight from heaven to elicit a sacred vow from her. "Much better," she thought with chagrin.

Then, years later, comfortable and satisfied with her career choice, she had the misfortune to be assigned the onerous duty of showing around the 'Philosophers'. That is how she thought of the couple anyway, all logic and lofty ideas, useless otherwise. The woman; an ice princess and the man; bumbling, absentminded, and unaware. They carried on at length about wanting an 'organic' space with light suitable for 'metaphysical blossoming' and other such rubbish. She tuned out their chatter and nodded and smiled and gritted her teeth. They ignored her attempts to explain the practicality and convenient modern contrivances in each apartment. Apartment after identical, tedious, banal apartment. After so many years they were all the same to her; this one has sliding doors, that one needs a paint job, another one has a trick toilet so a body need never even be aware what it has evacuated.
She babbled at them about marble counter-tops and hardwood floors whilst they jabbered away over her head with what sounded like dead authors names and long words they had to crook the first two fingers of each hand to put in quotes. All the while she could not help thinking that humans are little more than filtering machines. Turning food into feces, water to pee, and air into pollution. Filtering natural resources with our polluted bodies, leaving nothing but waste. Filtering machines that even filter individual perception into nothing but offal. Useless.
Suddenly, she realized the Snow Queen and her Court Jester were arguing whether the current apartment they were viewing could Transcend reality or whether it would cause Will to tend more or less to Self-Reflexivity or Nihilism. She could literally hear the capital letters, and spoke, not realizing it was aloud, "That type of philosophy is nothing


Below are the top articles rated and ranked by Helium members on:

Satire: Growing up

  • 1 of 5

    by E-fileZ

    Black Sheep....Bah! What is dysfunctional? In the eyes of a normal human being it defies, what does not function pro... read more

  • 2 of 5

    by Junia Ziblay

    "Thou shalt be a Real Estate Agent!" Those were the very words that started it all, popping unexpectedly into her h... read more

  • 3 of 5

    by Aleister Pinkbelly

    Limb Dismemberment Craze Excites Teens, Worries Parents Unnecessary elective limb dismemberment is emerging as the... read more

  • 4 of 5

    by Michael Severance

    Some of those smells Offensive to many, I'm sure But remembered by me Indifferently A combination Of a cat spr... read more

  • 5 of 5

    by Phillip Sunkel

    this is a satire on the elderly in florida... The Modest proposal With many problems everyday, do you really ... read more

Add your voice

Know something about Satire: Growing up?
We want to hear your view. Write_penWrite now!

What do you know about?
  • Tell us! Get published today.
  • Reach millions.
  • Many ways to earn.
Join Helium Today

Already a member? Log in.

122054

Featured Partner

Buckeye Institute

The Buckeye Institute for Public Policy Solutions is a nonpartisan research and educational institute devoted to indi...more

What is Helium? | User Guide | Community | Link to Helium | Privacy | User agreement | DMCA

Helium, Inc.
200 Brickstone Square Andover, MA 01810 USA