For two weeks I have been writing feverishly with great attention to detail and quality to get that satisfaction.

Two weeks have passed and now I feel unfulfilled, unsatisfied, and void of motivation.

To keep my motivation and action high, satisfaction must come immediately.

Why do I feel this way?

My expectations were higher than what the output of my energy could reward me with.

This is pseudo-mania.

I have found Helium.com and at first was excited and eager to begin writing.

In those two weeks I gained 2 stars each and twenty-five cents with 40 or so articles published.

It's not the money that is getting me down the most; it is that my work has nothing to show for itself. It is as if I spoke meaningful words to a non-existent listener. No feedback, neither negative nor positive; just nothing. Nothing in the way I view something.

My efforts and energy have not been rewarded with what I believed to be proper reward.

From the speedy, motivated, energetic start, I am now apathetic, withdrawn and disinterested.

I just gave real reasons for why I feel as I do. This is the process.

What is funny is that some people would look at me as if I were bi-polar.

I had an immature understanding of my expectations and have low tolerance for little gratification when my action is quality.

When I work hard I demand gratification. When I do not receive it, frustration and negativity befall me.

I put out heavily, which sounds sexual, and in a way it is if all motivation and action derive from the libido (Freud); yet what I've gotten in return was not commensurate.

Why is it that I set my-self up for situations such as these. I am growing to realize that sometimes that immediate gratification I want will not come in the measure I believe is appropriate. In this case, lesson learned.

Where is an environment/niche I can immerse myself that will be dancing at the same pace and rhythm as me.

My motivation is high when I see something I greatly want, so I give the energy to get it.

There must be a niche where I can unleash my energy and experience immediate gratification for my work.

That's what we all want, right?

To do something that actually motivates us and feeds that motivation exponentially ad infinitum until we naturally exhaust ourselves, wake-up and do it again knowing our energy will be rewarded immediately and judiciously.

That is how it should be my friends.

That is what work must be about.

To find work like that, I would be the happiest man alive.

I can give and give and give as long as I am filled, filled and filled.

That is my attitude.

It is not wrong, but is it realistic?

If I were a sexually insatiable adult film star, every day I went to work would be motivation and satisfaction feeding itself almost like a perpetual motion machine.

By writing this article I have just rejuvenated myself.

This article has just satisfied a little bit of all that I was dissatisfied of.

By understanding why I feel the way I am feeling, I have just given myself the reward. But that is not paying the bills.

The big question is: How do I get myself into a position where I am expressing my highest ideals and producing my greatest quality of work and am receiving in proportion to what I am giving.

I will avoid degrading myself by seeking lower forms of gratification that are immediate to my motivation but do not fulfill my higher goals.

To be a singer must be fulfilling. The motivation is fed by the immediate satisfaction of a performance well done.

The process positively promotes itself. This is life. Why are we not here?

Learn more about this author, Tonic.
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