Wal-Martifesto (A Parody): Why Wal-Mart should rule the world

We live in a world of expansion, communication, exploration, and unbounded technological advancement.

We live in a world of Wal-Mart.

It has come to the awareness of many that Wal-Mart should be designated the all powerful fascist overlord of the world. It is necessary for the world submit to the control of one unifying supreme power, for it is divided among many warring groups who will not toil for the common good of the people (Wal-Mart), but for their own personal gain.

It is evident that unifying force obviously should be Wal-Mart. Together; humanity must unite under the rollback sign and defeat the warring nations to establish a worldwide empire, based upon pure heartless capitalism. It is necessary that the world become a place where small business owners are quickly stamped out of business (as enemies of the empire of course). Those crushed by our lord, Happy Face, will naturally be obliged to work for him and the common good of Walmartopia.

It's all apart of a simple formula: Wal-Mart puts them out of business, so they have to come work for Wal-Mart, and thus they would not be able afford to buy anything form anywhere but Wal-Mart.

Wal-Mart deserves to become the supreme overlord of the world, for it is the champion of capitalism.

As it is obvious that people are not capable of thinking for themselves anyway, Wal-Mart should instate a computer to think for them. So that we all become proud upholders of the rollback empire, waving that glorious flag, yellow smiley face upon a blue background. No one will feel the oppression, as our minds will be controlled, thus no one will object to Wal-Mart's reign. That will bring us to the ultimate level of human eudemonia a state of nirvana where we no longer think or feel, as Odysseus' men were in the "Land of the Lotus Eaters."

This proposal should meet little resistance with the people of the world, as the majority of the people who are subject to American "democracy" don't particularly care about politics, as long as there is beer. Those who argue against this truth are blind to the fact that more people would rather vote for the American Idol than who should be president, let alone their supreme fascist overlord. Yes indeed, we don't need hearts those socialists want to help the "poor" and so it is necessary we rid the world of hearts first.

Wal-Mart would also be excellent for reducing poverty. A new innovative

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