by Trenna Sue Hiler

Created on: November 04, 2007

Children can spot insincerity in a second. Most people who are actively trying to build self-esteem exaggerate a child's accomplishments. May I just say in a very loud voice "Bad choice, please don't do that to a child. It teaches arrogance not self-esteem. That cause them and others a life time of bother."

Find truthful encouragement you can give a child. I observed a ballet instructor who had this down to a science. She would watch an entire dance and after the dance she would pick one particular thing the child had done well, or improved on and that was the first comment she would make to her student. They were eager to hear what they had done well or better.

I was at a baseball game once where I heard a very intuitive father. His kid just couldn't bat. He was great at other parts of the sport. Knowing that was his sore spot his father said, "Dude, thanks for giving me that great smile and wink when you went up to bat. I am so proud to be your father."

Report on good characteristics that are not physical. Physical things often change and if a child's self-esteem is only related to the physical they are lost when the changes come. Sharing, being a good friend, being safe and being respectful are all things that are easy to find examples of and compliment.

Teach your child how to accept constructive criticism and evaluate it. They don't necessarily have to except the criticism as correct. Modeling how to evaluate it and decide if it is something they need to act on would be one of those life long gifts you could give a child. Questions like do you agree with what they said? Did you think they understood what was happening? Do you think you should try it that way and see how you feel? This gives a child control and understanding.

As a parent please don't ridicule your child. They will receive enough of that from friends and strangers. They need one place where being who they are is safe. The goal would be to make that place your home.

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