by Melanie Denyer

Created on: November 04, 2007

It's only natural, when you first find out you're expecting, to daydream a little about what awaits you at the end of the pregnancy: what colour eyes or hair, how tall, whose smile? And while pregnancy and impending parenthood can be a daunting prospect, very few couples consider that their pregnancy might not make it to the point of a real, live baby they can hold. The sad reality, however, is that at least one in four pregnancies will end in miscarriage, probably more if the number of untracked 'late' periods were to be taken into account.

Whether your first miscarriage is on your first pregnancy or after you've already had one or more children, it's still a tremendous blow, and causes many of us to wonder just what went wrong. Did we forget to take our folic acid? Did that glass of wine before we knew we were pregnant kill our child? Was there anything we could have done to avoid this? Does this mean I won't be able to have babies?

So many questions in that initial stage after your loss, and so few answers from the medical profession, though not for lack of trying. The prognosis is good: most women who suffer one miscarriage will go on to have a successful pregnancy next time round. Even suffering two miscarriages in a row does not make you statistically less likely to have a successful third pregnancy. Suffering three miscarriages in a row, however, puts you firmly into the definition of 'recurrent miscarriage' but there, at least, there are some known conditions your doctor can explore and test for, and there may well be help available, as well as substantial support during your pregnancy.

When should you start trying again? The answer to this is different for each couple. If your first miscarriage is your first pregnancy, the idea of trying again may almost feel disloyal to the baby you lost: just because you can try again doesn't mean you didn't want that first baby with whom you'd already started to bond. This is perfectly normal. Give yourselves a chance to heal, emotionally as well as physically, before trying again. Your partner's reaction may also be a factor in this: while men cannot bond as easily with the unborn child in the early stages of pregnancy, that doesn't mean they don't also grieve, either for their partner or their unborn child. Many men will be scared to try again for fear of once more seeing their partner go through so much pain and grief. You may both decide to give it a couple of months or more before trying again.

Other couples are

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>