by Stephen Surgener

Created on: November 04, 2007

There are many "firsts" in life you only get to do once. Your first steps, first words, first kiss, and your first "time". But, asking out a complete stranger on a first date, is likely one you'll be able to do again and again.

With the levels of precaution required in todays society, to meet people safely, it is a wonder any of us date at all. Still, we do, and there are steps required that can add multitudes of complication to the already convoluted world of pic-up lines, and interpretations of body language. The only way to insure acceptable levels of success, or at least failure free of drinks in the face, beatings from boyfriends, and restraining orders, is to keep it simple.

First and foremost, is the approach. If you're the size of a linebacker, it's probably not a good time to approach the Tinkerbell sized hottie when she's standing alone waiting for a cab around the side of the bar. Try and think "non-threatening", and smile. As long as there are several people within 15 feet or so, you should be in good shape, and smile. Do not conduct an approach with all your friends in tow, but do smile. And most of all, do not assume physical contact, outside of a shoulder tap to get their attention, is acceptable. Oh yeah, and SMILE.

If I had a dollar for every time I have nearly fallen off a bar stool while laughing over the stress induced, constipated look of Joe Playa approaching Ms. Bombshell, I'd be driving a Benz to my beach house, not a Toyota to my trailer. My experience has been 99% of people won't bite unless you ask them to.

So you've now approached said desired individual, free of pepper spray, rape whistle, tazering, or any other such repercussion which would involve law enforcement interaction. It is time to speak. DO NOT try to be witty, clever, cute, manly, sexy, insightful, or in any way charming. These are the motivations behind bad pic-up lines. The way to know if a pic-up line is bad, is if it's a pic-up line. However, for those unable to initiate conversation without a script, try something like this, and smile; "Hi, my name is _______. When I saw you, you struck me as someone I'd like to know. Do you have time to chat for awhile?"

Though variations of the same statement can be used to better fit your way of speech, generational lingo, or "style", the basic principle remains. Non threatening, straight forward presentation, with a smile. It does not involve zodiac signs, bad jokes, shallow compliments, or pointing out your shoe size. If at this point your efforts have yielded anything other than a return smile, giving of their name, and "Yeah, I have a minute or two", you my friend, are done.

Done: noun; completed, finished, no longer requiring interaction or effort, having reached the end. Do not push for a number, speak faster, follow them while their walking away, or do the proverbial "look what I can do!". (I have actually witnessed a young man in the mall walking on his hands trying to get a number) Simply accept that they must be married, gay/lesbian, not gay/lesbian, took a vow of celibacy, or blind. Because if you follow this simple two step process, you can be confident, it wasn't you; so smile.

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