We all like to hear ourselves talk. But when a friend has suffered the loss of a loved one being able to listen is probably the most valuable skill you can possess.

Grieving is an intensely personal thing. Anyone who has existed on the planet for any amount of time has experienced the loss of another human being. Each individual's experience and circumstances is different from anyone else. The way we deal with the mind numbing loss of a loved one is a private matter.

Another can't take away the pain or ease the sorrow but they can act as a sounding board when the person in mourning wants to talk. Just be there in quiet support with a hug or a pat on the shoulder ready when needed. The world may still be turning but you have taken time out from your schedule to simply be there. Actions speak louder than words.

Our expectations of what a friend should feel or the way they should act are usually reflections of our own actions. Remember that everyone mourns differently. Recovery time may be longer or shorter than your own. Your job is to be supportive not judgmental.

Keep calling and asking "Hey how are you?" and let them take over the conservation from there. This all sounds simple but it really is one of life's harder tasks. We all want to make it better, help ease the pain and set things right for those we care about. But this is something only time can mend and we have to let the person play things out their way until sorrow begins to retreat.

I'm a person who likes to pray silently and alone, many of my friends are the opposite. They like to attend prayer meetings and be vocal at church. We are uncomfortable with the other person's way of talking to God on a personal level but I believe he hears us both. As we are willing to accept each others differences in faith we need to accept differences in the mourning process.

When your friend is ready to enter the social world again give them your hand to hold for awhile. Things will never be the same but they'll be okay again. Whatever route a friend picks to be okay again lend your support as a true friend - lend them your ear.

Learn more about this author, Cindy Abbate.
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