The doctrine of "love thy enemy" is a hard moral principle to obey, especially when one interprets the word "love" to mean warm fuzzy feelings and good will. Emotions are by definition irrational, visceral responses no more a part of your character than a muscle spasm. You can, however, assume responsibility for your actions. Feeling guilty about disliking someone is counterproductive and gets in the way of what is truly important- figuring out how to treat the person fairly in spite of your dislike.

1. When someone irritates you, remember your own failings and realize that you sometimes offend or frustrate others. Maybe you don't create problems for the same reasons or to the same extend, but your still fallible enough to sympathize.

2. Think long term. Yelling at an annoying person or saying nasty things behind his back might blow off steam now, but what you're really doing is handing him an excuse to complain and blame you for his problems. By being reasonable and courteous, you can show that they other person is truly the problem. Other people will then understand why you don't want to work or socialize with that person.

3. Stand up for yourself with a blend of honesty and tact. Instead of statements like, "saying I'm rude is ludicrous!" try "could you give me an example of when I was rude to you?" If you ask the person to explain his or her reasoning, they might blow up and get angry or give some convoluted response, but I guarantee they will stop making statements they can't support. No one likes being called on a logic error. Have a set of pacifying platitudes like, "now I know how you view that," or "you apparently remember some things I don't," so you can respond to their explanations.

4. Use emotionally neutral language. If you must criticize, do it in "ifthen" format so you don't sound like you're giving an order. Rather than "well from now on tell me when you're going to need help!" Say, "if you let me know when you're going to need help, I can adjust my schedule in advance. If you ask at the last minute, I can't promise to be available." You're not telling them how to act, you're just explaining alternatives.

5. Pick your battles. If you keep quiet about the things you can tolerate, like your boss's foul language or your coworkers cloying perfume, then you can bring up the real issues, like the fact that their music is driving you nuts, without looking like a complainer.

6. Don't get sucked

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