by Jan Vroegin

Created on: November 03, 2007

Supporting a Friend through the Season of Grief

Often people sum up their support of a grieving friend with a simple check list that runs something like this:
Attend viewing. Check.
Attend funeral service. Check.
Send sympathy card. Check.
Send flowers. Check.
Take meal. Check.

Yet, the season of grieving continues long after the flowers have wilted and the grave marker has been placed. So what else can a kind friend do as he watches another friend go through the grieving process?

o Make a copy of candid photo showing their loved one laughing or smiling. A photo that a grieving person has never seen before can bring happy memories rushing back.
o Mention the loved one's name first in a conversation. This gives a grieving individual an unspoken permission to speak of their loss.
o Be sensitive to holidays. Make a contribution to a charity in their loved one's name. Buy an ornament that depicts something that the deceased person enjoyed.
o Did someone lose a parent? Send them a Father's Day or Mother's Day card saying that you know its their first time celebrating without that loved one and you are thinking of them on this day.
o Did someone lose a spouse? Cook some meals in small portions that are freezable for them to have on hand as needed. Mow the lawn. Get the car's oil changed for a woman who has lost her husband. Offer to clean out the gutters. Stop by to hang Christmas lights.
o Share memories of the deceased with their grieving family. Often you might have a memory that others do not have. Did they once tell you something funny or insightful? Share it!
o Set another place at the dinner table and call them over. Let them experience fellowship, but don't center the conversation of their loss.
o Invite them to a movie, sports event or shopping. Inclusion not exclusion is the order of the day when dealing with grief stricken friends.

Above all, be a listener. Be observant of their pain. Remind them that you are there.
Grief is a season and seasons pass, but friends stay the course and provide comfort as needed long after the funeral.

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