Lying in your bed with a bottle of bourbon while listening to 'your' song is not going to win back your ex; action and an evaluation at what you hope to accomplish is required. By action, I do not mean calling him/her and telling them you are sorry, you'll change, no more sports center or shopping. Desperation is weakness and you will probably turn into a 'booty call' or something similar if you allow the ex to be in control.

Now first, take an honest look at your relationship. Your opinion of why you broke up is not an honest evaluation. Talk to someone who is a trusted friend to both you and your ex. Get his/her opinion and look at when and what was the breaking point in the relationship.

Second, do you really want him/her back or are you just looking for a quick fix? Some relationships are just not worth resurrecting. It does not matter if you have been dating someone for 3 weeks or 3 years, breaking up and letting go can be hard to do. Let me share a quick story with you when it's just not worth it:

I met someone at a party who seemed to have a lot of the characteristic's I look for when I initially meet a girl; sexy, charismatic and fun. After about six weeks of dating she tells me she is pregnant but here's the kicker...by her ex-boyfriend. I believe her that this was a prior existing condition to when we initially met but, for me, this is a deal breaker. I have dated a lot of girls but this girl in particular I had really fallen for. It sucked having to break-up with her and kind of leave her hanging but it was for the best. I could've tried to 'get back with her' while I was a little down but I didn't and am happy that I made the tough short term decision that worked out best for me in the long run.

Third, time is of the essence. Most couples who break-up and get back together do it rather quickly. This is the case because as time passes the heart heals. The chances of when you break-up that your ex will get with someone the next day is fairly slim. Now take that 1 day and multiply it by 30 and the chances greatly expand. The longer you wait the greater chance they will meet someone whether it be through a friend or co-worker trying to set them up or just through a random encounter in a grocery store.

Finally, you may have to fight fire with fire. Pop up where your ex is going to be...just make sure you are with someone else of the opposite sex (or the same sex if that's your thing.) Make sure this appears to be a totally random encounter; if it appears staged you will come across as desperate if not pathetic. Jealousy is a powerful emotion and, when harnessed correctly, can be used to help you achieve your ultimate goal of winning your ex back. Beware though as it can also further isolate you to him/her.

In ending there are a lot of 'dating guru's' out there who tell you they have all the secrets and for $29.99 you too can learn these secrets. Total BS. There is no magical phrase or enchanted secret to winning back an ex no matter what these charlatans try to push as every individual is unique as is every relationship.

If all efforts fail to win back your ex it's time to push forward...nothing helps you get over the last like the next.

Learn more about this author, Matthew Soo.
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