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I'm shopping at my local Westfield when I see him again.

Normally I am completely uninspired by the burley, buzz-cut security guard look, but I've seen this one before and now he's looking at me.

Today I've got nothing to loose, and combined with a possibly-terminal dose of romantic realism, it's enough to inspire me to action.

I approach the well-filled blue suit with what I hope is enigmatic provocation

"So are you in any way unavailable?" I ask, staring him down.

He takes a casual pose with one elbow on the plinth which houses food court garbage behind the PUSH sign, raises an eyebrow, and leans forward:

"How do you mean UN-available?" he asks with mock confusion.

"Well emotionally, physically, sexually, family..!" I trail off with a smile.

He laughs and says "No baggage, not gay, no wife or kids, no outstanding criminal charges" (So far so good, I'm thinking) "and I'd like to put the 'sexually' question to the test, if you'll pardon my impotence!"

Impotence? Something's not right here.

I say "Impotence - as in the inability to get or sustain an erection..?"

He looks horrified, looses the casual pose and takes a backward step.

"NO! As in Cheeky'!"

It's my fault, really I neglected to put intellectually' on the unavailability list.

I laugh ruefully and say "Oh impudence - you mean impudence!"

At this point, Mr Muscles looks like I stuck a pin in him. As he slowly deflates, he twiddles the squelch knob on his two-way radio until he gets some static, and then, avoiding eye contact, begins to back away.

"I'd better keep moving."

I feel the wry smile slide on to my face from wherever it usually waits in these situations.

I nod, and say "Take it easy, Big Fella."

As he turns away, I notice his name tag "Barry".

Figures!

NOTE

The expression "Having a Barry" is a peculiarly Australian bit of rhyming slang derived from the name of the famous singer Barry Crocker from Crocker' comes shocker', then (obviously!) it reverts to Barry'. So if someone is "Having a Barry", they are having a shocker, AKA a particularly unfortunate time.

Learn more about this author, Kay Diem.
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