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It feels wonderful to be forgiven. The burden of our misdeeds, with which we can almost physically feel ourselves weighed down, may be lifted with the belief that we are no longer being judged. We are given a clean slate, and reminded that we should seize the opportunity to do good deeds and avoid hurting others.

It feels wonderful to forgive. Although injured, we let go of our fear and our sense of victimhood. We leave a place of passivity (being the one who is taken advantage of) and we take control (becoming the one who forgives). This gives us more freedom to choose what to do, who to be, and who to be with.

Forgiveness disrupts the stereotypical roles of offender and victim. When we forgive and are forgiven, we start to re-frame this typical understanding of injury, so that we are no longer restricted by it. We no longer have to spin our wheels by acting only in the way that is expected of offenders and victims. We can chart our own course to healing.

Forgiving is not the same as forgetting. In fact, when we forgive, we must recognize the offense that occurred and acknowledge its impact. However, the true forgiver will refuse to allow the offense to remain a permanent barrier to his or her relationship with the one who caused the hurt. What does it mean to remove a barrier to a relationship? Does it mean the victim must become friends with the offender? Not at all. Some wounds are so deep that friendship would be inappropriate, if not impossible. But, at the very least, the forgiving victim stops demonizing the offender, recognizing that it is unfair to define the offender by his past actions especially when he very well might be trying to change.

Discovering the appropriate relationships with former or current enemies is a meaningful step towards peace and healing. For example, after being grievously hurt, some people are not able to hear the sound of their offenders' names without feeling their blood start to boil. They may gossip or even plot violence in retribution. In this situation, the personal benefit of forgiveness would be serenity. Simply quieting their anger and feeling less ill-will towards their enemies often turns out to be the best and most appropriate relationship possible.

The offender's responsibility is to apologize: to admit wrongdoing, take steps to prevent the misdeed from happening again, and to ask for forgiveness. If the victim agrees, they have arrived at a mutual understanding. But forgiveness can be given even when the offender has not apologized. The offender may deny responsibility for her crime; she may remain angry and dangerous; or she may die, be incapacitated, or disappear before she has a chance to indicate that she is sorry. And yet, she can still be forgiven-that is, the victim can let go of her judgment-clouding anger that further poisons the situation.

The benefits of forgiveness have a ripple effect throughout society. By calming private and public anger, stopping the cycle of violence, and demonstrating how a rift may be peacefully bridged or simply moved past, forgiveness may make future crimes less likely.

Learn more about this author, Tucker Lieberman.
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