Epilepsy rules your life. Even if it's controlled by medications, it never goes away. I personally don't have it, but my husband does.

When I met him, I had only heard about the disorder. He was in a group of friends that I'd just met and every once in a while, I'd see his neck stiffen and twist, and his face contort before he shakily put a hand up to cover it. He'd leave the room for a few minutes after stuttering and slurring that he had to go out for a smoke.

I'd look around and ask if someone shouldn't check on him to see if he was all right, but everyone would shake their heads sadly and say he'd be ok. God forbid someone was taking flash pictures or if it was storming. He'd be twitching for days afterward. Interestingly enough, though he'd had seizures since he was 16, and was then 36, he had never heard the word "epileptologist".

He was on Depakote which had a nasty side effect of causing depression. I'd instant message him and he'd seem so dark and morbid at times. Despite all that, I saw a cute, funny, gentle and lonely man. Eventually, we fell in love and moved in together. He would miss 3 out of 5 days of work because of seizures or the aftershocks', and end up working most of the weekend to catch up. He'd beg off going with me on family visits and special functions because of seizures. Since stress or excitement triggered seizures, I had to be careful not to touch him suddenly, or kiss him too long, or wake him too suddenly or he'd end up shaking for the rest of the day and I'd feel guilty.

When he lost his job and his healthcare, I suspected he had run out of Depakote, but he assured me he hadn't. He was having slightly less frequent seizures, so I let it go so as not to cause him stress. After a particularly bad seizure day, I got him to confess that he'd weaned himself off the meds because he knew at some point he wouldn't be able to afford it. He assured me he wouldn't hide health issues from me again.

When we married, I was able to get him on my healthcare and I insisted he see a new neurologist. I'd been reading up on some of the newer drugs being used successfully and kept leaving the articles where he'd see them. Eventually, reluctantly, he got a referral from our new family doctor and went to see a neurologist who specialized in treatment of epilepsy. The new doctor put him on one of the newer meds, Lamictal.

Within a week or two, I started noticing he wasn't twitching as much and he admitted he'd been having fewer seizures. The doctor adjusted the dosage a few times, and eventually he found the right amount. A week went by with no seizures. A month went by, then a year. June 28, 2006 was the last time my husband had a seizure.

Though he has not had a seizure, he has come close when there are a lot of camera flashes or strobe lights. Those instances are rare though, and we have been to several concerts since his last seizure, something he would never consider before he was on this new med. On a rainy drive home last New Year's, we even watched fireworks together for the first time.

Learn more about this author, Liane Laskoske.
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