Grief is an emotion which can be experienced differently by individual people. Helping a grieving friend requires that you set aside your own experiences of grief and concentrate on theirs.

It may be that your friend is suffering from guilt and shame surrounding circumstances to do with the death involved. They may be feeling guilty for not doing something such as telling the person who has died that they loved them when they had the chance.

Grief can also bring out all sorts of other emotions that stem from the relationship of the bereaved and the person who has died. Dealing with this as well as with the loss involved can be a dreadful experience.

With your help and support your friend can be made to feel less alone and to feel loved and cared for when they need it most.

How you want to react to this situation will have allot to do with how you view death yourself, and your friends grief may remind you of your own feelings from the past.

It may also make you feel uncomfortable and to want to avoid dealing with the issue upfront. Such feelings can lead to friends of the bereaved avoiding them or attempting to steer the conversation away from the subjects of grief and death, even though their friend really needs to talk openly.

If you would like to be a real support to your friend then there are some guidelines which you can follow which may help you.

1. Don't avoid your friend, rather offer your condolences and support so that they know that they can rely on you.

2. Talk openly and freely about the person who has died if the situation warrants you to do so. This will not upset your friend as they will already be upset. It will give them an opportunity to talk with you about their loss and feelings.

3. Do not offer advice or solutions. What feels right for you may feel wrong for them. There actually are no solutions to such a situation.

4. Actively listen to your friend without interrupting them.

5. Let them know that you are available and willing to listen to them and offer any kind of practical support whenever they need it. If they are responsible for arranging a funeral whilst grieving it be tough for them, as will dealing with the wake afterward. You can step in and offer assistance to take the pressure off of your friend while they are not so able to cope.

6. Make yourself available to provide support when everyone else has faded away into the distance. When the funeral is over many people stop giving support, but it is after all of the practical issues have been dealt with that your friend may find that the grief really sets in and they need someone caring with them.

7. Don't be afraid to be real. If you need to be sad yourself then be so. If you want to hug your friend and you know them well then such a physical expression of caring may be welcomed.

8. Remember that the grieving process can take a long time. Your friend may seem fine on the outside, but may be covering up pain on the inside. This can occur when society as a whole gives a grieving person the impression that they should have moved on after a certain amount of time. The reality is that there is no time limit on grief and your friend may still need your help.

9. Recognize special dates which may bring about a difficult time for your friend. Anniversaries and birthdays can bring out further grieving. Making an effort to keep in touch at these times can help your friend immensely.

Learn more about this author, Heidi Marie Fleetfoot.
Click here to send author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about How to support a friend who is grieving?
We want to hear your view. Write now!