How do you support a grieving friend? The obvious of course, is to listen patiently, giving a sympathetic acknowledgment now and then, especially if you're communicating by phone, to let them know you are indeed listening with interest and not just letting them get it all out of their system.

Several years ago, a friend of mine lost her father to a heart attack. When I entered her home, she was in the living room on the sofa, head in hands, crying. I stood in the doorway, seeing her pain, feeling her grief and tried desperately to find the words I would need to comfort her.

There weren't any. I sat beside her and held her hand. After a moment, I asked her if I could get her something. She asked for a box of tissue from the bathroom cabinet. Fetching the tissue, I stopped by the kitchen and got her a bottle of water.

I asked her if she had eaten and she of course was too upset to eat. But she hadn't eaten anything since the day before. There wasn't much in her kitchen so I went to the store, bought food and got her to eat some soup.

Days later, she thanked me for my support during such a trying time. I felt as if I hadn't done anything at all. But she said I offered her more comfort and support than anyone else because my concern was for her well being during such terrible ordeal.

Actions speak louder than words. People know you understand their grief. They need to vent and need you to be strong where they are weak.

Once they've vented, make it clear that you're sorry they're going through it and ask if there's anything you can do. Try and put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself what you would want them to do for you.

Just listening isn't always enough. If your friend is sadly depressed, they may skip meals or not take in enough fluids. Offer to get them food or drink. You could run out to a fast food place or the grocery store and eat with them to make sure they get some kind of nourishment.

Chances are you won't be able to help them with the cause of their grief, but you can certainly help them while they are grieving.

Learn more about this author, Pat Lunsford.
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