by Bridget Webber

Created on: November 02, 2007

Fear of commitment in a relationship can cause difficulties and upsets, especially if one half of the couple really needs commitment and just the thought of it makes the other half want to run for the hills.

The fear can arise from several different sources. If it is caused by hurt from the past then it could be that an individual needs to be sure that they have moved on from that previous relationship emotionally as well as physically.

Left over 'business' from past relationships can creep into new ones if they are not dealt with sufficiently and can affect how people feel about truly making a commitment. Recognizing that a new love is not a carbon copy of a previous partner, but is another being entirely can be difficult if you are still emotionally tied to another.

Breaking that tie can come about if you are able to make peace with yourself and the other person so that you are left free to form new bonds.

If it is too difficult to actually make contact with your last partner then you can free yourself by genuinely forgiving both yourself and your previous partner in your heart for any hurt and misunderstanding that has taken place between you.

When you continue to think about that past relationship then you are still sending it energy instead of making yourself available to your new relationship.

Another common fear of commitment can stem from a fear of giving up freedom. This is really down to how you actually view relationships. If you visualize commitment as being physically and emotionally staked to the ground then of course you will feel like staying clear of it!

If, however, you can begin to see commitment, not as meaning a lack of freedom but as an opportunity to share yourself freely and to enjoy the gift of truly sharing another then you may start to feel differently.

This shift in observation requires that you challenge previous, often ingrained, ideas about relationships.

Often we have taken our cues about how to view commitment from those role models that we had as a child. If the role models behaved negatively about, and in, relationships then their ideas can affect our own significantly when we are older.

Just the realization that this is what has occurred can be enough to make some people begin to become more open and able to give and receive more freely, which inevitably tends to lead to a more solid relationship.

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