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Many couples complain that although they still love each other the spark has gone from their relationship. They explain that as a new couple they had great sex, sometimes even fantastic sex but now that they have been together for some time it is routine, even boring on occasion. "How do we get it back," they come asking us as marriage counselors.

First we need to understand that making love, like everything else relationship-wise, is a learned behavior. Oh sex is natural enough, but is that all you want, sex. A fulfilling of a natural urge, a biological moment or do you want the fantastic, mind blowing, emotional fulfillment that is love. If it is just sex you can stop reading this and go back to reading your paper or watching your soaps. And good luck. But if you want something that can render both of you speechless and grinning like a Cheshire cat then read on.

Making love starts at the breakfast table, if not sooner. It is making each other feel special, needed and wanted. The gentle kiss good morning, the hug good bye, the call or email at work to say "I love you." It means doing things together at home, putting the kids to bed or sending them to Grandma's for the evening. Put on your favorite romantic dance music and slip into something comfortable like each others arms and slllow dance, cuddling, kissing and teasing. Then move on to whatever comes up. Or a blanket on the floor and cuddle away if your not into dancing.

The important part of making love is not the physical sex, bite my tongue the guys are saying, but it is the emotional closeness, that feeling of being connected that makes all the difference. For men sex is an expression of love, a way of saying "Hey, I love you."
For the woman sex comes out of the feeling of being in and being loved. It is not saying I love you its saying because I love you I want to be physically close to you, to share my most intimate parts with you, my love and my soul with you.

Learn more about this author, Dallas Munkholm.
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