The secret to buying a birthday gift for a boyfriend is to remember that Men ARE NOT Women.

Women often buy presents for men the same way they would want that man to buy presents for them, thinking that what is good for the goose is good for the gander. The problem is that one man's meat is another man's poison. Gosh, don't you love it when proverbs contradict each other.

Women like small things. Okay, especially if they come in little velvet boxes. What a woman wants is for a man to remember their anniversary with flowers, to remember her favorite perfume when he gets her something. A woman seeks a thousand little moments of perfection that show he is thinking about her.

A man wants one big thing. For guys, it's never the thought that counts. It's the size of the box. Now, this doesn't mean that you have to break open your IRA's. But think big. One of my friends bought her husband a life-size R2D2 robot. Every guy in the room watched with barely concealed envy as he worked that little remote control gizmo. Now, your guy may not be into robotics or science fiction, but the idea is sound. Look for the big picture. Go for the heart-breakingly huge gesture.

Aftershave is for acquaintances. Clothes are probably not a good idea. But there are exceptions. A leather jacket with a hell's angel's patch on the back would be just the ticket for a biker. A signed football jersey would work for a football hero.

Tools and weaponry might seem like a good idea, if your significant other is into that, but you need to remember that if he knows more about guns than you do, you have to be careful that you get him a gun he'll like. Not any old expensive gun will do. That would be like buying your boyfriend a cookbook because you know he collects books. If you don't understand his obsession, then your gift may fall flat. Get lots of advice.

Little gifts are almost always going to be unappreciated. You may slave away making him a special meal and planning a perfect date. In a year, he will remember the Joe Namath Football Telephone. In a week he'll have trouble remembering that night out. Now, I don't mean to be crude, but in general, sex will work the same way. Unless it is something REALLY SPECIAL, like maybe joining the Mile High Club, or some other adolescent fantasy he's been holding on to, then it will probably be filed in the "Well, that was nice," category.

Being careful and ask his friends and colleagues about what he wants (and never ever what he needs). Treat the gift like a big deal, and he'll appreciate it all the more. A big box never hurts.

Learn more about this author, John Devera.
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