by Bridget Webber

Created on: November 01, 2007   Last Updated: August 02, 2008

Breaking the ice with your ex can be difficult or easy depending on the circumstances of your break up. It may be that you parted on difficult terms and have unfinished, and so far, unspoken business that has not been dealt with.

Or it could be that you broke up over something that now feels insignificant and you still care for your ex and want them back.

Feelings from the past of love, resentment and pain can resurface and make starting a conversation stilted and hard. So how do you begin to re-establish meaningful communication?

You may like to wait until you simply bump into your ex, but if this seems unlikely then a more pro-active action may be called for.

Calling at their home maybe inappropriate and inconvenient for them. Only you will know if contacting them via the telephone is likely to be well received. It may, however, be better to send them a friendly letter as it can be easier to express emotions in writing than by other means.

A long letter saying all that you feel however, when you haven't spoken for a while, may be a little too heavy for your ex to handle. It is far better to drop a line or two saying how you have missed your exes company and would love to meet up with them sometime.

When you meet a good place to start may be to begin with friendly body language. A smile and an open, as opposed to closed, gesture will show your ex that you have good intentions and are not on the war-path.

A closed gesture may be standing with your arms crossed. An open gesture could be standing to face your ex as they approach you, with your hands at your sides, and smiling warmly as they approach you.

Beginning the conversation simply by inquiring how they have been and filling in the gaps up until you last saw them can help to re-ignite any sparks which are still smoldering between you.

When a couple who have parted but still care about one-another meet after some time apart they often feel great warmth for each other which they are afraid to express in-case they are rejected.

If you still have such feelings for your ex when you get an opportunity to speak to them then you may like to sound them out by finding out if they have moved on from you and have another relationship, or whether they may be open to the possibility of re-building a relationship with you.

Whatever happens bear in mind the reasons why you first parted and try not to fall into the trap of repeating past mistakes.

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