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Many parents out there view gaming jargon as an impenetrable fog. What in God's name is a "pokeyman"? Is "frag" a kind of sword? Just what is a "noob" and why does one "pwn" them?

This essential guide will cover all the basics a parent should know about virtual lingo.

NOUNS

-Newb (also n00b, noob, nub): 'Newb' is short for "newbie", which means neophyte/newcomer. In on-line gaming, the term newb refers to either a player who is very bad ("wow you let them kill our whole team, NEWB"), or very good ("Dude that gun is so cheap, no wonder you killed me NEWB"). 'Newb' is extremely derogatory and is considerably more offensive than any other insult. For this reason it must be used ad nauseum.

-Base (also spawn, guild hall): Most reputable dictionaries would define 'base' as "The place where your allies should be, and your enemies should not be." Any player unwittingly entering an enemy base is consequently referred to as a 'newb.'

-Loot (also lewt, l00t): Loot is what one gets for 'Pwning' (defined below) 'Mobs' (also below). In most RPG and action games, enemies such as centipedes and dragons are well known to carry around books, liquids, and whole suits of armor. Loot can either shared between players, or assigned to the player who needs it least.

-Mobs (also monsters, spawns, crops): Mobs are hordes of computer-controlled enemies. In most games with mobs, mobs are initially large packs of wild animals, such as mice and pigeons, that attack human players for no reason whatsoever. Note that the single form of the word, 'mob', can refer to a single animal. Mobs have a commonly-diagnosed short-sightedness, and are usually unable to spot the player from more than 20 feet away. Mobs are notorious for hoarding Loot for which they have no use.

VERBS

-to Pwn (also own, 0wn): Although the action of pwning is well=documented ancient (historians now acknowledge that Japan was pwned by the atomic bomb), the word pwn is relatively new. Pwning is best defined as "Defeating a target in such a humiliating manner and to such an absolute extent that it cannot be disputed." Note that although not common, one CAN pwn oneself. As a transitive verb, pwn takes an object, usually 'newb'.

-to Frag (also gib): From fragmentation, "To terminate the life of a target with such explosive or concussive force that said target's appendages are instantaneously separated from its torso, and said target's innards are rendered projectiles." Many parents are fooled into thinking 'frag' is a polite word for

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