There is nothing more powerful then the art of listening. Quite often, it can be the most important requirement of a relationship.

When someone you care about is grieving, they are suffering from an emotional trauma that only they can understand. We may have suffered the same type of tragedy, but no two people in this world process their emotions exactly the same. You may believe that because you have experienced a loss the same as they, and it could very well be true, but your method of grieving compared to theirs can be as different as night and day.

So can their needs when they are suffering.

When a friend is grieving, we want to tell them that we understand; we feel that is what they need to hear. It often isn't.

What they need to know more then anything is that there is someone who understands that they are experiencing a grief they are having great difficulty with. They need to know that they are heard, that they are considered; that their grief matters to more then just themselves.

To say to a grieving person, "I know how you feel", is nothing more then a lie. You may understand that the loss of their child has been devastating to them, as it was for you when you experienced it - but are you convinced they feel exactly as you did? You have no way of knowing how they process emotional traumas. Yes, they cry, yes they are depressed, but they don't need to hear that you've been there too; they need to hear that you know they need you.

You do that by listening.

To have to deal with emotional trauma alone can be devastating to one's soul. When there is no one to vent to, no one who will listen objectively, you're trapped inside with emotions that tear you apart. You're consumed with what's happened, and you really don't want to hear that the other person has "been there too". You're the one there now, and that all you want someone else to know.

You can allow the grieving person to understand that by being there, whether in person, by phone or by trust. Knowing they have another individual to talk to about their sorrow, is a very big part of the healing process. Validate that you care as much as you can.

Stay away from the "I know how you feels" because you really never will; only they can. Refrain from saying, "Life goes on", because right there and then, the life they're living doesn't seem worth it.

Just say, "I'm here for you, no matter what, no matter when and I always will be". You've given them stability with those promises; grief often takes that away.

You cannot magically take away their sorrow; but you can lighten the burden of it.

Just be there. They'll be the first to let you know if they need something more.

Learn more about this author, Gabriella Samms.
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