Not every person feels capable of helping a friend through their time of grief.
The fact the you are reading a "how to" article shows that you may feel inadequate but are willing to look outside yourself for ideas and additional knowledge.

I have been told that I should be a grief counselor.
Even in my teens, friends would seek me out, at the loss of their grandparent or friend or pet for a conversation they wouldn't have with anyone else. I have been told that I had made a significant difference in their grieving process by doing a few simply things:

Smile at them, when no one else is smiling.
I looked right in my friend's eyes when her twin sister was killed by a drunk driver, and I smiled at her, when everyone else looked away or went silent. It was years later when she said I was the only person who did that and how much it meant to her and comforted her.
Sometimes a smile says everything is going to be ok.

Laugh with them and remind them that lightheartedness is sacred.
Help them remember the blessings of having known this life they are now grieving.

Offer to pray with them if they prey.
Help them write their own prayer for what they wish for this soul that is in transition. It can be very empowering for your friend to personalize a prayer or letter of request to the powers that be.
Possibly ceremonially send it up in fire or down a river, signifying release.

Everyone knows, well most everyone, that a true friend will be there, will listen, and will not judge, so in this article, that goes with out saying. Well, we'll say it once, be there, listen, and don't judge.

Be aware of things your friend may not be saying.
Watch for signs of serious depression. A serious loss can affect every aspect of someone's life, including diet, work, relationships, and personal hygiene. Do not be afraid to help your friend with honest words if their overwhelming grief lasts longer than 3 to 6 months. Some may need professional counseling or therapy. A true friend will be honest. There are many signs of clinical depression, which lasts longer and can be very similar to grief. If you think your friend may be suffering from depression help them get help.

Last on my "how to" list is to be open minded.
As long as there have been humans on earth, we have been dying or losing our loved ones. There are many ancient texts and well written books which focus on death, dying, the bardo, the in-between, life after death, many with pictures of heaven. Delve into some of these. And share what you find with your friend. There can be a very beautiful and spiritually uplifting side to grief.

I have grieved. I have done it well and I have also done it poorly.
I believe with my most recent loss, the death of my son, my grieving was encompassed in grace. Something beyond and outside of myself. A sort of borrowed grace. There were times, though, when I was lower than this grace could reach, and in those times, I had my friends to lean on.
How wonderful that your friend has you, to support them, in this defining moment of their life.

Learn more about this author, Max Denver.
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