I started at a new company, not knowing anyone but not being a wall flower, made many new friends quickly. I started going out with a couple guys for drinks on Fridays and we had really good friendships. (I'm a woman, by the way) My friends would call me a couple times a day while we worked and I was usually happy to see their numbers coming over my cell. And sometimes I was annoyed, but answered because they were my friends and was glad I did. I always got along better with guys, being a tomboy since I was young. Guys usually fall for me, but soon realize my intentions are purely friendship and we just end up having alot of fun. I made a couple of girlfriends too, and my feelings for them were pretty much mirrored to my guy friends. When it comes to friends, I felt bad for them when they suffered any hardship, I was happy when they were happy and I was available to listen, talk or give advice. But when I wasn't with them, they weren't nagging my mind. Sometimes I decided not to answer the phone if it was the fifth time one of my needier guy friends wanted a mommy figure to direct his every movement. I loved him just the same, but it wasn't the end of the world to me to pretend I missed it.

With love? Much different circumstance. I fell for a guy soon after getting to know him and my friends realized I felt differently about him before I ever said anything. I couldn't help but smile when I saw him. My mind was surrounded with thoughts of him and the barrier was tough to break through when he was with us. I mentioned him all of the time and would run to be with him even if I was with them. They understood because they were my friends. We texted each other constantly for two years and spent all kinds of time together talking, laughing, shopping and planning our next excursion. The problem was that we were both taken. So, yes we were in love, but decided friendship was better than nothing.

We thought of taking our feelings to the next level to test the waters, but decided our friendship was worth too much to risk with a physical relationship. I felt like I still had my friend, but lost my love. And it really really hurts. My friends all fell off and I don't really see them much, a hug here and there, a "How have you been doing?" But when I see my special friend, my heart hurts. My eyes well up and I suck it up and so does he. We hug, say, "Hi", and sigh with a smile. It's a loss unlike the loss of a friend. It's a void in my very being.

Learn more about this author, Kelly White.
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