by Buffy

Created on: October 31, 2007   Last Updated: November 02, 2009

Second marriages can work and many do work really well.

Of course a lot of second marriages end up the same way as the first but for those who have matured, mellowed and done a lot of soul searching and honest self examination, second marriages can be really wonderful.

The secret to a successful second marriage is the amount of time that's taken between the two relationships. During this invaluable time it is important and probably imperative that you take time for yourself, whether you have children or not. You need to be adventurous for probably the first time in your life - change your job, move to a new address, try a new sport, go to church, take long walks on the beach, learn a new skill, do some volunteer work, or whatever it takes for you to discover who you really are and what you really want out of life. If you don't take this precious time for yourself chances are you'll end up jumping from the frying pan straight back into the fire and entering a relationship identical to the one you just came out of.

In reflection, we often realize that in our youth we were more concerned with our own pressing issues, such as financial wealth, material purchases, the importance of our jobs, our status in the community, and all these things are perfectly normal. As we age our priorities change. We become more interested in our fellow human being, our true friends and not the many acquaintances we called our friends; we become more spiritual and begin our search for the real meaning of life, of why we're here and what we're supposed to be accomplishing in this lifetime. We take a new look at nature and all of its beauty, and more importantly, we take a good hard look at ourselves. For probably the first time in our lives we start the process of learning to love ourselves because we realize that that is the first step to being in a successful relationship. As young people we often enter relationships for all the wrong reasons, and many of us are grappling with childhood issues that have not yet been addressed. All of these matters take their toll and they can and do lead to relationship difficulties.

Second marriages are a wonderful new start. This is a new beginning for two people who are a little older and a little wiser, people who have a little more maturity and a clearer understanding of giving and receiving, respecting each other and most importantly giving each other the freedom to grow within the relationship.

Well, that's what my second marriage means to me. I know that I am a completely different person the second time around and I'm now not at all surprised that my first marriage was a disaster.

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