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The full moon is come and gone and I am still pregnant. 40 weeks and 1 day pregnant, to be exact. I want to speed up time, turn the earth around the sun, impatient to meet this child. The birth is looming over me, my first. Nervous and excited, I am ready to move onto the next phase of my life, to have this baby in my arms.

Was it really just 4 weeks ago that I said I could be pregnant forever?

Now, it is 10:30 on a Monday morning and I am sitting in my pajamas, listening to the birds. They sing and squabble and take me all the way back to the source of things. To the All Living One. To the Spirit of the baby in my belly, and the Spiraling that will birth him.

I have been doing this for days now. Waiting. Listening. Waiting.

I am suspended in the quiet moment between the inhale and the exhale. The stillness of time when the Universe makes herself known. I have been living here. Waiting. I feel the fullness of the inhale, the last 40 weeks of gathering and growing and receiving. Being filled. Opening to the Spirit that is falling through me, as me, and also as the new being inside me.

Like the overripe apple tree I am bent over in abundance. The golden morning of harvest draws out quietly. The sun glints off the yellow grasses. The gentle breeze barely stirs my branches. Waiting.

Waiting for the moment to let go. To let drop my precious fruit. To exhale. To surrender. For the breath that will touch the edges of the universe.

There is so much anticipation in this waiting. I feel the pull of impatience and restlessness. My left hip aches. I am tired and yet cannot sleep. I try to be present in this moment. My breasts rest on the top of my belly. My heartbeat is slightly rapid, pulsing in the loving service of feeding two bodies. I breathe and I feel my breath feeding my child. Soon, he will breathe on his own. A tender sadness washes through me. This time together is so precious.

I feel my baby's movements within me and I cherish these last days of intimacy. Just this morning I felt his foot moving. It started me in its clarity as it grazed under my hand. Soon, that foot will be out in the world, out of the protective cavern of my womb. For now, let us enjoy this time together. Will I ever feel as close to him again?

Such a bitter sweet time, like the sunset. I will miss you in my belly, little one. I will miss our time together, so pure and intimate. I will miss breathing your breath and feeling your little hiccups within me. I love you. I love your face I have not yet seen.

I will always be here for you. Always and forever. When you come into this wordly plane, I will be ready for you with all the love in my heart.

The rich hues of red and gold spread out around me everywhere. The full moon waits in the darkness.

I love you, little one. Inside and out.

Learn more about this author, Leigh Dennis.
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