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do it again" stages. He bought me flowers, cards and gifts for nearly two years. I had been hospitalized on numerous occasions at the hands of his abuse. He abducted me and kidnapped our daughter the times he got out of jail on bond because I refused to keep his secret. Even the church I belonged to tried to keep his abuse a secret. The pastor didn't want me to show up on Sundays with black eyes and bruises because it was embarrassing to my perpetrator's family. His father was a deacon and his mother was the church treasurer. It didn't matter that his first wife was abused by him and that no-one thought to warn me. Apparently, I was suppose to be the answer to his problem and the best thing that ever happened to him, so I found out later.

It took along time to escape his abuse. I had to leave that town and never look back. Did I survive domestic violence? Yes. Will I ever forget it? No. Domestic violence isn't just about me being the victim. It's about my children who witnessed it and were apart of it. It's about the denial of what really happened by his family and the church that we belonged to. It's about the friends who were alienated from me because of it and it's about the police and the courts who couldn't understand why it kept happening. Even today, after having been the director of two domestic violence programs and constantly advocating on behalf of the victims of domestic violence, I still wonder if everyone survived the tragedy.

Surviving domestic violence means never forgetting domestic violence. Domestic violence is a cycle that is passed on from generation to generation. Until we are able to break that cycle of abuse, there will always be victims.

Learn more about this author, Toby Horton.
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