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Wallpaper and Cotton Briefs:

I worked at a wallpaper warehouse briefly, while finishing up some classes. My younger brother worked there, as did my best friend from grade school, and several guys from our old neighborhood.

Part of the job included carrying boxes of wallpaper up ladders and putting them on shelves. The boxes were about 70 lbs, but fairly easy to handle due to their shape; long and tall, about a foot square by three foot.

The proper way to lift a box was to squat down, hug it, roll the weight smoothly onto the shoulder, and only when the box was parallel to the floor, stand up. This gave us a good workout on our thighs and calves and abs, but as long as we were careful, put very little strain on our backs.

Now the part about underwear; specifically, men's cotton briefs. For those not familiar with the product, these are the ones that come with the pee hole in the front, cleverly designed by overlapping two pieces of cloth, one flat on top of the other. The pee hole is accessed by pulling the two flaps apart, which is made possible thanks to the pliability of the cotton and some well placed elastic.*

* [It should be noted here that no one actually uses the pee hole. A survey showed most men opt for the quicker and easier "pull-the-elastic-waist-band-d own" method.*]

* [A subsequent study found the garment industry failed to do away with the pee hole all together due to tradition, and the fact that men simply would not wear pee hole-less underwear because they too closely resembled girls underwear.]

All things become worn with time and use; men's cotton briefs being no exception. It was just such a pair of well broken in briefs I wore to work one routine day at the wallpaper warehouse. Just like any other day there were boxes of wallpaper to be put up. I was squatting and lifting, squatting and lifting, minding my own business, just as I had hundreds of times before, all the while oblivious to the evil lurking in my pants.

Somehow, the repetitive squatting and standing motion was twisting and bunching my men's cotton briefs in such a manner that the tension that normally kept the two overlapping pieces of cloth flat, taught and safely in the "closed" position was being compromised. Simultaneously, the pee hole was being dislodged from it's normal placement in front of the genitals and forced to a lower point under them.

As the day wore on, I carried boxes and joked with my coworkers; I went squat and lift, squat and lift; until that fateful moment when I

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