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Divorce complicates lives. While recent reports indicating that American marriages have only about a fifty percent success rate are most likely a bit exaggerated, it is a fair assessment that divorce is and will remain commonplace in American families. Every divorce produces two newly single people, often with children who are torn between the two. Then, long before the upset is settled, new people join the fragmented mess that used to be a family.

One has to wonder why we are so eager to jump out of the proverbial frying pan and into the fire. It does not make sense, no, but it is what most often happens. Divorced people, even if they are relieved to be free of the negatives of their marriages, miss the warm familiarity of having a mate. Marriage is like a cocoon of sorts, and the loss of it leaves us feeling alone and vulnerable. It is, then, our nature to replace that which was lost to divorce. If we are careful and wise, we will take things slowly and find the right someone, even if we have to endure loneliness in the interim. Most of us, though, are not willing to wait. We grasp at any and all prospects and, sometimes, end up with a string of new "loves." If we are fortunate, we will survive the emotional upheavals and find true love in the midst of it.

If moving on is difficult for the one doing the moving, it is perhaps even more difficult for those who are left behind. Ex-spouses, if they have not let go of the pain of the divorce, are not going to be so chipper about these new loves. Children, too, will feel betrayed and threatened by the new people in their parents' lives. It is important for everyone to be honest and supportive. The person who has met someone new should not feel the need to hide the relationship or disguise the new-found happiness. At the same time, though, the feelings of others cannot be ignored.

Ex-spouses who do not share children should distance themselves physically and emotionally immediately after the divorce. When new people enter one or both lives, the ex-spouses should have nothing to say about it. Even ex-spouses who have chosen to remain friendly should begin stepping back when a new relationship is developing. Jealousy may be an issue, even if the divorce was desired, and those feelings need to be handled by the one experiencing them. If it is more than the person can handle, then counseling should be sought. Never should those feelings be placed at the feet of the one who is moving on. It is unfair to deny an ex-spouse

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