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Too many times I have been asked, "What's wrong?" only to reply "nothing." As an introvert, I have difficulty communicating my emotions to others, frequently feel like being left alone, and tend to get lost in my own thought. This has made it difficult at times to maintain friendships. It is not easy to express to someone that you care about them but do not want to be bothered by them. For many people, this is inconceivable. They assume not wanting to be bothered (even if not stated in so many words) is a sign of dislike, not affinity. If you like someone, you should want to talk to them and be with them, right?

No, this is not necessarily the case for an introvert. The phone rings. You look at the caller ID. You ask yourself, "Do I feel like talking to someone right now?" An extrovert would be more inclined to reply to oneself, "Yes, I want to talk," and answer the phone. In contrast, an introvert would be more likely to let the voice mail pick up the call.

In other cases, a friend expects you to call. When you don't make contact, the friend interprets this as a brush-off, while in truth you may have been preoccupied with your own thoughts and activities. So, the friend thinks you blew him or her off and, in turn, stops calling you. After a while, you may wonder why your friend hasn't called. You may even feel guilty for not being the one to make contact. This is where the critical decision must be made.

I have lost touch with too many people over the years, simply because we stopped calling one another. There was no argument, no crisis. Simply, we grew apart. This could have been avoided if I had made the effort, but I kept thinking "if they want to be my friends, they will call me." Unfortunately, this is probably what my friends were also thinking. All I had to do was take the initiative, but I would get sidetracked again, absorbed in my own thoughts, and more and time would go by until the point that so much time had passed that I believed it was too late to do anything to save the friendship.

Even with those persons that I call "friends," I do not feel especially close. Most people just don't understand me. They don't see the value in the activities I enjoy, such as reading, writing, researching, and gaming. They prefer to go to a club or to have get-togethers. When I make the effort to go out with them or come to a party, all I can think about is how I don't fit in and want to go home. However, I feign pleasure in small-talk, all the while wearing my happy face.' This is undoubtedly a factor that plays into my decision of whether or not to go to a function the next time I am asked. More often than not, I will decline the offer and remain in the comfort of my home.

Introversion is the bane of a writer's existence. The desire to be by oneself, the necessity of quiet time to think, the lack of motivation to attend social functions...all these things make maintaining friendships challenging. A friend of mine was once observant enough to recognize that I am pensive. She is one of the few people I have encountered who can recognize the value of silence. I don't need to explain to her why I go long periods without calling; she intuitively knows and understands.

This is not always the case, though. To maintain friendships as an introvert, you may need to force yourself to step outside of your comfort zone, to do things when you are not in the mood to do them. Sometimes, you may need to explain to your friend what your personality is like and let the person know in advance what to expect in your relationship. A true friend will accept you as you are.

Learn more about this author, Jennifer Paige.
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