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The father of my son and I are not married. We are very happy together, but there is no legal documentation of our union. He is a wonderful father, friend and lover, but he is not my husband.

We had been together for a couple of years when we learned I was pregnant. We were both very excited, and nervous as hell. Many people were happy for us and very supportive, yet every once in a while we were hit with "A baby? So, when's the wedding?' It was very disheartening. I had no doubt that the two of us would be great parents. Was a lacking marriage certificate really an issue?

Many single parents also have to be subjected to speculation from others sometimes from complete strangers. The focus shouldn't be placed on the parent(s) maritual status, but the parenting ability. If a child is happy and healthy, should we really be concerned that they may not be part of some cookie-cutter family circa 1952?

In order to establish a good parent relationship with children when his/her parents are not married, you must simply be a good parent. Be there for your children. Be honest when the "not-married" issue does come up. Sure you little ones may wonder why your family is not the same as some of their friends', but I was always told that life would be boring if we were all the same. Families have always come in different shapes and sizes.

As long as the child is being loved and cared for, marriage should not be a concern. If you have a child and are not married to his/her other parent, explaining the relationship and why you didn't take the plunge can help the child understand who he/she is and where he/she came from. Your child may really appreciate the strong single parent who became both mom and dad after a failed relationship. Your child may understand the reasons you chose not to get married. Laying it all out on the line can help your child to learn that not everybody has the "ideal" family and that it doesn't make your family inadequate in any way.

In a world where norms have changed and become unexpected, all we can do as parents is be honest and care for our children in the best way we know how. A walk down the aisle doesn't create good parents.

Learn more about this author, Holly R..
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