by Neil Kokemuller

Created on: October 28, 2007

Communication and integrity are the key ingredients to a successful courtship, which creates greater potential for a happy and successful marriage. One of the biggest mistakes many people making early in the dating process is behaving in a way that is not congruent with their values and lifestyle.

First dates are often awkward and uncomfortable for people. In order to compensate for these undesirable feelings, many 'perform' for their dates by acting in a way they believe is desired by their counterparts. While creatively and effectively playing the dating game, some do not present themselves in a way that honors their core values and the essence of who they are.

The divorce rate in the United States is over 50%. This is largely due to the fact that many people do not plan for the marriage as much as they plan for the wedding. From childhood, we teach children, teens and young adults to make their wedding day a momentous occasion. Not as often, do we train people to effectively use the dating process as an interview. We spend so much time trying to impressive others with our humor, sexuality, and ambition, that we do not present our true selves. While this can certainly attract interest from suiters, it does not necessarily lead to successful long-term relationships.

People need to discuss finances, careers, children, religion, politics, and other tough issues before they get too serious about planning a wedding. While these issues can be discussed after marriage, there is often more emotion, and less teamwork involved when they are. We need to realize that once we get comfortable in marriage, our values and real character become apparent. If we hide these from our partners in dating, we may create a better chance of a wedding, but we may also reduce the potential for an appropriate and productive lifelong partnership.

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