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"Despair"

There was nothing I could do to change things the outcome was always going to be the same. The sound of the life support machine, sometimes made me feel comforted, at other times it made me feel scared. I knew time was running out and the decision was made, they would unplug him tomorrow.

I wrung out the face cloth, I went to his beside and I wiped his face, he looked sallow, I called out his name. Nothing, I have sat by his side for two weeks and through all the tests, results being the same. They would just look at me and say, sorry. I always asked is there another test what if that test was wrong. What if we stop the machine and he really isn't brain dead? How will we know?

I picked up his hand and placed it in mine; I could feel nothing, like this wasn't his hand, there was emptiness. My mind flips back and forth, but he's right here in front of you my mind would scream as I tried to cope with the fact that I had to let him go. I wasn't handling things to well, my soul was torn, I bled from within, and it just hurt so badly. I wasn't ready to let go of Gene.

I felt a hand touch my shoulder, I turned it was Genes father, "No change", I said.

"Kathy, Gene is gone. They did everything they could, he is brain dead. You need to come to terms with this. Gene wouldn't want to be on life support, in a way it's better this way because had he survived, there would have been severe brain damage, who knew what his limitations would have been?", he said.

"How do we know that? What if we take him off life support and he's not ready to die, what if he's inside this sleep figuring a way he can wake up? What if we unplug that machine and he dies?" I cried. "I'm not ready to let him go!"

"Kathy, you have to believe what the doctors tell us, they have run all the tests, there is no brain activity, none! When that machine is turned off Gene will pass away. You have to understand he died, the day of the crash. Yeah they brought him back, but only his heart is beating, my son is gone!" He said to me as tears formed ready to spill over his eyes.

"I'm scared", I said to him. "I can't get over the fact that he is here with us right now. Why would you want him to die? Why, why?"

"He isn't here, what you see is a shell of his body, it breaths only because of those machines, Gene is gone I thought there was hope in the beginning, but there is no hope, I have to do what I feel is right, what he would want. This isn't an easy decision for his mother and me. Please Kathy don't make

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