by Tammie Bowden

Created on: October 28, 2007

Forgiveness will set you free so the saying goes and this can alleviate the pain experienced in so many relationships which may result from ancient promises long since broken.
The act of forgiveness is enormously powerful as this means giving away, pardoning without any residual burden of guilt or blame and often times this is the last step in conflict resolution, releasing negativity by forgiving, or at least being willing to forgive another person or persons for their motivations, intentions and behaviours which may in the past have caused you pain whether this has been done intentionally or not.

Forgiveness, even just the willingness to forgive signals the end of unfinished business and when forgiveness is fully experienced and realised, it becomes clear to the person who was initially upset that there really was never anything to forgive...that it was their misconception and misinterpretation of the behaviour of the other person which caused the pain that they have experienced rather than the alternative scenario wherein the other person was responsible for their feelings of disappointment. Impossible expectations lead to disappointment and this is something that the person experiencing these feelings needs to take responsibility for, particularly in the case of the passing of a loved one.

Relationships end but true love never dies and the death of a loved one is not a betrayal. A broken promise may prove on deeper inspection to be an impossible promise, spoken in the heat of love or passion and as such blaming the other person for failing to live up to your expectations is unfair. Each of us is responsible for his or her own destiny and as such anger and blame are always false. Forgiveness sets us free and releases the other person from the focus of baseless emotion, at the same time releasing us from the chains that anger and blame put upon us.

Self forgiveness is also an important part of the forgiveness process and in forgiving someone else we must also be willing to forgive ourself for our part in the event that has caused us so much trauma. Unresolved remorse or guilt holds us into an emotional pattern and can keep us in this "holding pattern" unnecessarily for many lifetimes, leading to continued self punishment and considerable suffering both for the one suffering with the guilt and their significant others.

The one who needs to be forgiven may be deceased and in the case of loving couples, the fact must be faced that barring accident which takes these two together, one partner will leave the earthly realm before the other. Relationships always end, whether by choice or as a result of the death of one of the partners and this can be extremely painful. A normal reaction of the survivor is anger at having been "left" and this may lead to guilt over these unloving thoughts. This is when we need both forgiveness of the deceased and also self forgiveness and an understanding that all that we are going through is a normal part of the grieving process so that we can feel the emotions and then let them go.

When the pain is too great or if there is a total lack of understanding, the process of resolving limbo can be helpful in easing these feelings. The beings in such deep relationships will often return to be together in future lifetimes and decisions made in anger and grief at the loss of a mate will interfere with the expression of unconditional love in future incarnations, causing further pain and karmic debt which can interfere in an otherwise strong relationship. Caution and lack of trust can interfere with intimacy on all levels until there is forgiveness and as such this really is a vital process in relation to spiritual evolution.

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