by Kathy Downey

Created on: October 26, 2007   Last Updated: June 23, 2008

Temper tantrums are normal in young children who have not yet learned to understand their emotions. They express whatever they are feeling, and when they get angry, it shows. As he grows and develops, your child will come to understand, that while getting angry is natural, he needs to learn to manage it. This is temper control, and you can help your child develop the skill.

BEA ROLE MODEL
If you frequently lose your temper, you can expect your child to do the same. Children imitate the behaviors that they see their parents exhibit. They are not fooled by hypocrisy, so you cannot day one thing while doing another. You must model temper control in order to teach it to your child.

ENABLE EXPRESSION
Teach your child to express his feelings in words. Naming an emotion makes it easier to handle. Expressing feelings verbally helps to vent them, making meltdowns less likely. If your child can learn to recognize anger and say, "I feel angry because" he will be well on his way to controlling his temper.

FIND CALMING ACTIVITIES
A child needs to understand that if he is feeling stressed, he needs to help himself calm down. He might simply need to take a break from whatever is making him anxious. Help him identify activities that soothe him. Perhaps he can listen to music, watch a funny movie, or do some other activity that soothes him.

PHYSICAL EXERCISE
Sometimes, physical exertion is the best option. It helps burn off some of that pent up energy, and keeps a child from losing his temper. Get that heart pumping to work off some of the anger in a non-destructive way. This way, nobody gets hurt.

DO NOT GIVE IN
Do not give in to your child's demands when he loses his temper. Rewarding bad behavior only reinforces it. No matter how tempting it may be to give a young child what he wants to quiet him down, this is not a good practice. It will only lead to other problems down the road. Remain calm if your child has a tantrum, and remind him that this is not acceptable behavior. Give him some choices

TRACK THE PROBLEM
Keep a log of your child's meltdowns. Knowing when and how often they occur can lead to solutions. Seeing the patterns can help you decide if your child needs help with his anger management. Sometimes, parents discover that weariness or fluctuating blood sugar levels are involved, and these are issues that can be resolved easily.

Be patient, as this process will take time. Temper control becomes a life long struggle for many people. With some guidance from you, your child can learn to manage the problem while he is still young.

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