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Humor: Life

I was over the age of forty and, although I didn't realize it at the time, I was beginning to feel just a bit of a mid-life crisis coming on.

I had recently bought a new suit which required alterations before I could wear it to an upcoming wedding.

With my five year old daughter in tow, I headed off to the tailor.

The Master Tailor was quite busy this evening and delegated the task to one of his young assistants. The assistant was a cute, young girl in her mid twenties.

As she came forward I immediately straightened my posture, sucked in my stomach and puffed out my chest.

Favoring me with a warm, engaging smile, the young assistant beckoned me toward one of the fitting areas as she said. "I can help you over here, Mr. O'Brien."

"Tom," I said and immediately felt a little self conscious. "My name is Tom."

I could feel the warmth creeping into my cheeks.

"The changing room is right here," she replied gesturing toward a small, curtained room. Again with that cute, warm smile.

I came out of the changing room with the new suit on and bounced up the step to the low platform where she was going to make the necessary measurements.

I stood tall and proud as she put her arms around me with the tape measure to take my waist measurement.

With my stomach still pulled flat and my chest broad and strong, I tried to make small talk as she measured my inseam, tugged my pants cuff down and made chalk marks with practiced ease.

"Have you been to that new club downtown?" I asked while mentioning the name of a recently opened hip, for twenty somethings, club in town.

"Um, no. No I haven't." She replied while studying my right pant cuff.

I hadn't been there either. Had in fact only just heard about it on a radio ad on my way to this fitting.

"Well," she replied, while standing and stepping back. "That should do it for the pants. How about the coat?"

"The coat?" I asked as I pulled open the suit coat to look at the label sewed to the inside breast pocket.

"The coat seems to fit fine."

"It's a forty-four." I added.

It was at that moment that my five year old daughter popped out from the middle of a nearby clothes rack, where she had been playing. Out of sight, out of mind, up to this point, to loudly proclaim.

"FORTY-FOUR?! DADDY! THAT'S THE SAME AS YOUR AGE!

That pretty much took all of the wind out of my sails for this event.

Learn more about this author, Tsing Tao.
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