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"[Insert expletive here]" So says most every cyclist who has had to delay or even end a ride because of a mechanical problem. For seasoned veterans, the tools and tricks of the road are old hat, but for many riders just starting out, fixing one's bicycle seems intimidating, impossible, and too greasy. So what tools does one need when out riding?
BASICS (bare minimum)

Pump-far superior to one's lungs, the pump is the best option for inflating a tube with air, or whatever else is in the atmosphere in which one is cycling (Option: a CO2 cartridge works great for quickly inflating a tube, such as when one is in a war zone and incurs a flat, but make sure to have a pump as backup.) Recommended: mini-pumps are small and offer their own aerobic workout in the form of countless arm thrusts back and forth to inflate the tube. Longer frame pumps work faster.
Tire lever(s)-"I'm strong," says Bob, the cocky cyclist. "Look, I can remove this tire with my handsjust one second heregeez, this is really tight.yikes!" Unless you want to be like Bob, carry some tire levers to remove your tire. You really just need one, but it's good to have a spare in case one breaks, the tire is on super tight, or you need to make a splint for your finger after breaking it trying to remove a tire by hand. Recommended: plastic, plastic with a steel core, but NOT a screwdriver. Super hint: a quick-release lever can work in a pinch
Tube-round, black, and with a valve, tubes are great at holding air, UNLESS they're a) the wrong size, b) have a hole in them from the last flat, or c) have a schraeder valve when your rim is drilled for a presta one. Be sure not to pinch the tube when installing it for it can explode with nerve-rattling, and embarrassing, force. Recommended: anything that doesn't have a hole in it and has the right valve length to make it all the way through the rim.
Helpful
Multi tool-hex wrenches, a Phillips and flathead screwdriver are all you need for most of your bike. Some multi-tools come with extras' like a spoke wrench, one torx size, a chain tool, and a laser for shooting malicious dogs, but these often don't work so great. Recommended: any basic set
Patch kit-"It's okay, I have a spare tube," says Bob. Next flat: "Damn." Carry a patch kit just in case your spare tube(s) take a turn for the worse. Recommended: Glue, glueless, a Boy Scout merit badge and a sewing machine.
Chain tool-Narrative: This writer once broke his Shimano chain out in the woods and HAD a chain tool, but didn't have the special Shimano pins (or a third-party connecting link) to actually repair the chain. Thus ensued an annoying ride of continually breaking the chain whilst riding back up to the car. Moral: carry the chain tool AND a way to reattach the chain. Sure, usually it's possible to get away with just pushing a pin out and pushing it back in, but why take the chance? Recommended: Park CT-5
Nice to have (when it really hits the fan)
License-so the paramedics can identify the comatose body
Money-if hunger or thirst strikes, one can stop and procure sustenance. Or pay a mechanic to fix any or all of the above problems. Paper currency works great to boot a cut tire, too.

Learn more about this author, Nick Brustin.
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