Be fair. They are in many ways what you are. They have your genes and what you have taught them. Yes, you do not want them to make the same mistakes as you, the ones that alarm you or make you cringe now, but sadly they will make mistakes, it's part of the learning process, and because of the changes taking place in his body, mind and life he will often be unreasonable, over sensitive, self centered and moody. You do not have to put up with rudeness or threatening behaviour but remember that you can sometimes make a situation worse by your response. Let him see that you recognize that he is no longer a "child". As parents your job is to teach them well life skills - teach them how to handle life, then let them live. You have to be brave!

Children stop speaking to their parents when they discover that their parents are fallible humans too but their parents adopt a policing or I am holier than thou attitude.

Always let your children know that you are human. Let them know that you know that you are not perfect and you make mistakes but you also pay dearly for your mistakes as they have big consequences; You have the big responsibility of bringing them up.

Show by example how they must behave. If you do not talk and share what is going on in your life why should they? If you hate being interrogated so will they. If you are unable to be discerning, responsible, safe, ethical, aren't you asking the impossible of them? If you find some things hard or just don't like them why shouldn't they? If you expect people to respect you, respect them. They might never admit it but if they see virtues in you they will admire you and want to be like you.

Right from an early age make them participants in the family's affairs, in what is going on in your lives as their parents. It does affect them after all. Be sincere and only hold a very few, very personal or sensitive subjects from their knowledge. In many western cultures children are over protected, they would be protected from life itself if that were possible! This brings out a child's rebellious nature when he gets to the age when children want to be adults. Avoid this.

Inform them well, advise them well but in the end you have to give them space and let them go.

Learn more about this author, Saron Maramo.
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