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for long if we did. And still we treat the one we say we love with less respect and honor than a friend.

Remember, it used to be OK to watch the games all day on Sunday. It used to be OK to go to the mall by yourself, wearing make-up and a pretty dress. It used to be OK stay in your pajamas all day and not paint the entire house. It used to be OK to sit on the phone for hours consoling a friend in need.

At what point in time did we start to take ownership over this person's life? At what point did it become OK to change their job description and not tell them? At what point did we stop treating them with less respect than a friend. At what point did we start to sabotage the very thing that we claim gives us our most joy? At what point do we stop doing this, and start to love who they are, not who we want them to be? Sadly, we would not respect them if they became this person anyway. They may in fact make a great slave, but slaves are hard to respect, let alone be in love with.

I am proud to say that my Wife is NOT my EVERYTHING. She is however, my friend, my lover, my inspiration, and mostly my comedian. For watching and discussing football games, I have others who fulfill this need. For spiritual and philosophical discussions I have other friends. For business and professional matters, there are still others. And the list goes on and on. I do NOT require her to wear all the hats. Nor do I go the mall for the girl's day out.

She has a role as a wife and mother which WE have defined, and I do not need her to be any MORE than that. I KNOW any other needs I have that may arise are not her responsibility, they are mine. This is why my opinion of her NEVER diminishes as a result of my changing expectations. Nor will I allow my own role to be changed. This is not because I do not love her, it is because I DO.

Although the role of being His/Her EVERYTHING is very enticing to the ego, it is the surest way I know of to lead you down the path of frustration and resentment.

My advice to you is to STOP looking for your EVERYTHING, and decide what is truly important to you in a mate. Decide what qualities are true, real, and never changing. Find someone who loves their own life as much as your life together, and who agrees with your definitions. For the rest, find others to fulfill these needs. Do all of this and you will be well on your way to finding a relationship that continues to have the same fire for years and years to come.

Above all, remember this is only one number in the combination to unlock all the gifts of a happy and richly fulfilling love life.

Learn more about this author, Jeffery Read.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

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