3 of 20

Write now Article Tools

The temper of another is not for us to control, but rather guide whether that other is an adult or child. Teaching children to control themselves is an art that many adults haven't mastered. The first step is to be a responsible adult modeling appropriate behavior.

All other steps depend on ages and stages of the child. The typical toddler cant be expected to understand why he did something wrong, or rationalize why she cant have the toy in demand. By examining expectations for young children, you might be able to eliminate some tantrum traps. Appropriate expectations use positive words and are reinforced daily. Don't confuse these with daily nagging phrases like "don't hit your brother." Instead they focus on what behavior you want to see such as:

Take turns by sharing
Use your inside voice
Touch others and animals gently
Put your toys away

Every single expectation needs to be modeled. For example if your preschooler grabs the family cat by the tail and drags him down the hall, you will have to model nice behavior. The next time your shaken kitty comes out of hiding, gently pick him up and in a calm voice tell your child "the kitty likes to be pet this way. Very nicely, using soft touches or he will run away. He might even scratch you if he's hurt and scared." This last statement reinforces natural consequences in life.

Simple expectations need to be adapted to fit your family, but once established they will help a toddler or preschooler know what to do and when. Don't forget expectations for daily excursions either. Before shopping you can create a clear expectation by previewing the entire trip. Start by telling the child where you are going and what the purpose is. Allow him or her to get one toy for the duration of the shopping trip only. Make it clear but on friendly terms that the item must be returned before leaving the store.

For example you can say "You and I are going to Target today to buy some things for the house. You can play with one toy, but before leaving Target we will put it back, so it will be there next time. Every time we go back to Target, it will be waiting for you to play with it again. Remember; don't cry when we have to put it back because you can play with it again next time." Repeating yourself with a calm, soothing voice helps your child understand better and follow through with the plan.

Before you get to the check-out line, you must ditch that toy. Do not bring it home, or you will have built an unspoken expectation every time you

• 1
• 2
• next page >>

Add your voice

Know something about How to help your child control his/her temper?
We want to hear your view. Write now!