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Having faced this dilemma twice now, two kids per husband (you do the math), I'm not one to preach on what to do, but rather what NOT to do.

Do not suppress or deny your emotions. Just find the appropriate outlet for them and this IS NOT your children. Your children have a right to a relationship with both their mother and father untarnished by your emotional luggage. Notwithstanding this, you need to fully explore and deeply express how you are feeling about the circumstances surrounding your separation/divorce. Blame is irrelevant. As Nikolai Gogol said "It is no use to blame the looking glass if your face is awry". Friends are helpful but will tire easily when exposed to the same dramatic rhetoric. Understanding and acceptance resides within yourself. Have some serious conversations with the most important person in your life, YOU!

Facing an uncertain future, it is easy to fall into a victim mentality. How you gave everything of yourself for the sake of the relationship and family. Your life is over. How will you manage? Bills to be paid. Who will want me? Truthfully, no-one. Well, no-one worth having. You must take the time to regain your strength, recover your sense of self, chart a course for your life, and allow yourself to express fully your desires and needs.

Do not wage a vendetta against your ex. Keep it relevant. It is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS who he/she is seeing, doing, or how he/she is spending their time or money. The only relationship that exists between you now is co-parents of your children and their welfare and happiness is paramount.

Please, please, please ..... do not over-indulge in alcohol or drugs. It is easy to "drown our sorrows". Been there, done that. On one occasion it almost resulted in a fatal outcome. THIS IS NOT AN ANSWER. You are a parent, this is a privilege and responsibility that far outweighs any self-indulgent act. Please remember, at all times, whilst your children may fantasise that you and your ex will be together again one day, the very last thing on their mind is that they might lose one of you forever.

Separation/divorce occurs for a variety of reasons, some harder to accept than others. Whatever the reason, whether you are the mum or the dad, just remember, how you conduct yourself, the truths you exhibit, the knowledge you share, is impacting upon your child(ren). Think twice. Make it count.

Learn more about this author, Ceekai Woodley.
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