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Family Dysfunction

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When parents think their child is a failure

by Buffy

We've all failed at some time or other, haven't we? And isn't that the beauty of it. We try something, fail, find a different way and try again, maybe even fail again. That's how we know what success is, by failing, and failing again, and then eventually getting it right. The most successful people of our time have failed in their endeavors many, many times but it's their determination to get it right and following through with that determination that makes them a success.

Parents who think their child is a failure are themselves failures, because they still haven't got it right. They haven't taught their children that to fail is okay, it's only when you don't keep trying that you're a failure.

Calling a child a failure is a different matter. Calling names of any sort is unacceptable and the word failure' has such devastating results. Our children are so innocent, so vulnerable. We as adults have so much power over children and we abuse that power by venting our anger and frustration on these willing targets. Innocent is the pivotal word here. A child is born into this world with only his parent to tell him who or what he is until such time as that child becomes an adult and has the mental capacity to question these statements. Until adulthood this child hears and believes what he is told.

Of course no child is a failure - only parents are failures. Failures because they neglect to provide the basic requirements for a child to become successful and happy in life - necessities such as love, security, nourishment of the soul, encouragement and discipline. 'Failure' is only one word used to describe a child. The words ugly, fat, lazy, useless, and many others are used regularly on children and have exactly the same effect. The child believes what he is told because his parent said so, and said so repeatedly. The result is an insecure adult who never really achieves very much, has no self-worth whatsoever and who basically goes about proving his parent right.

Fortunately, with a lot of self-examination and in most cases some professional help, this same child can undo the damage of childhood and eventually understand that it was indeed the parent who was the failure, and that they were just a useful object for venting frustration and anger. However, this does take a lot of time, hard work and honest examination on the part of the child but it can be done and a wonderful successful life can follow.

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