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gave his mommy a big hug, which is exactly what my daughter gave me when she climbed out of the tub.

One of the things that worked very well to control the tantrums of my second child was art therapy. I picked up special colored pencils, and pretty paper. She and I were hanging out together and watching television. We were having a good time laughing at the show. During a commercial, I asked her to draw a picture of an imaginary happy place. She drew the most beautiful picture. It had a garden with jellybean plants. There was a special heart shaped pool that she and I could swim in together. She made a feelings wall, and a rainbow bed. There were birds and hearts, and a mom shop just for me. She titled this picture, "A Place Where We Go in Our Hearts". We talked for a long time about all of the different things in her drawing. These were things that made her feel good. She liked to look at them. She liked to talk about them.

After our conversation, I told her we needed to hang the picture in a special place, so we could look at it every time she got mad. We discussed how this picture would make her feel better when she got angry. I ended up hanging the picture at eye level, right above the stove. My little girl loved to help me in the kitchen, so this seemed to be an excellent spot.

Once we hung the picture, I would invite her to come and look at that special drawing of hers, every time she got angry. We talked about good feelings, and decided if it was worth it to hang onto the bad ones. Usually, we let them go because it felt better. Once in a while, we hung onto those feelings because we just weren't ready to stop feeling bad. When that happened, my little girl would go find a quiet place to continue calming down. In this way, she learned how to manage her feelings, without letting them get out of control.

Children have unique personalities. It is important to embrace their differences, so that they can learn to cope with unpleasant situations effectively. We need to accept children during their angry moments as much, if not more than, when they are happy and easy to be around. We need to allow them to feel secure with their feelings, and offer them ways to accept not only the feelings, but the behavior sometimes associated with them. It is also vitally important that we offer them second chances, even if it's only in a story told at bath time. Children need to express alternative behaviors, so that they can learn to apply them when necessary.

Learn more about this author, M. J. Joachim.
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