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I am a mother, and 18 years ago it was all in my dreams, and i had every thing figured out. It was all spelled out plain and simple, in my dreams, "i will have 1 or 2 kids," i would say. I came from a large family of seven girls and four boys, and it was like the British parliament everyday in my house. Debating and negotiations were part of us and that made my Grandmother detest visiting us more often.

I remember the poor lady whom by God's wonderful grace is still living. Screaming, she would disperse our little gatherings and sent us running into our hollows which were not much as we lived in a three bedroomed house. She always pitted my mother, and always wondered how she made it through the day. My mother's secret which I haven't mastered up to now was to ignore. "Ignoring," she said, "as though it was music of an orchestra playing." And by so doing, she lived and enjoyed every minute of being a mother. My mother once told me during my second child's pregnancy, that, she could sleep through child labor until it was thirty minutes to push. I wondered, how could she do that? and of course , her answer was the same, "Ignore and imagine something you love to do."

Now I am a mother of three and between them, there are five and six years gaps respectively. First I couldn't sleep through even the last child labor that followed. Next, I thought less children will mean less noise, and spacing, will avoid sibling rivalry. Big mistake, it is more work for me as I have to stretch myself to entertain each one as they all have different interests. They go to three different schools; elementary, middle, and high school, which means I have to taxi them on three different trips. And if i am running late on one, then its dominoes, they are all late. I have to drop them in three different soccer teams on game days, and by the time I am done, I have not much time left before dinner, later on, time for myself.

If stress levels were measured in Systolic and Diastolic like in blood pressure, then I will be 300/200mm-Hg. When it comes to fights, I have tried my mother's remedy, to no avail, because if I ignore, I am accused of not caring, or bias towards the other. The middle one fights with each one, top and bottom, so he is the most insecure one. I had less children so I can afford good life for them, but now, our love is judged on who gets the most expensive gift, so we try to give them money now and they decide to buy what they want.

With the difference in number of children, I have learned one thing motherhood is not only in book or how you lay down the plan to avoid future headaches, but it is a supper experience and I love every moment of it because for me it takes me back in my mothers house, reliving it again, only this time round, I am a mother.

Learn more about this author, Winfridah Mcekeni.
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