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Children are not little adults. They are little immature beings. Their need for "actual mature" adults to help them grow into successful productive citizens deserves to be responded to with thoughtfulness, patience, and creativity; and thoughtfulness, patience, and creativity all play a role when it comes to giving children choices rather than commands.

Giving a command can be a lot simpler than giving a choice. You don't really have to think much about it. For example, in teaching young children to help around the house, you could tell a child to take the rugs outdoors and shake them and to clear the table of dinner dishes right off the top of your head.

On the other hand, giving child choices requires you to think about whether or not a choice is in order; and if it is, what kinds of choices would be reasonable. For instance, commanding a child to shake rugs AND to clear dishes could overwhelm a child. However, if a child is given a choice to shake rugs OR clear dishes, (1) the child will be less frustrated, and (2) will have to consider his options. Should he shake dusty rugs that might irritate his nose, or walk back and forth from table to counter carrying dirty dishes. Having the child participate in this decision making process is definitely more beneficial to a child than giving him an order.

Other good reasons for giving children choices include:

Teaching children the value of sacrificing one thing for another, i.e., if a child wants to visit with a friend who's moving away next weekend, she will not be able to attend another friend's party. The child must, and in fact, should, determine which event to attend because the child is the only one capable of determining which is more important to her. If a parent selects an event for the child (commands her to go to the party, for example), the child could have a miserable time at the party wishing she'd been visiting the soon to be lost friend. Allowing the child to make a sacrifice would be more beneficial to the child than a parent directing the child which event to attend would be.

Teaching children to predetermine consequences of their choices, for instance, if a child's friend appears at the door begging her to come out and play just when she was about to wash breakfast dishes, a parent could tell the child she can go out if she'd rather wash dinner dishes that evening. In that dinner dishes often include more cooking, therefore the use of more cookware and utensils, and more dinnerware for serving and

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